State of mind

So last night, that certain special someone who inspired a few poems has quietly crept back into my life again. Months of feeling confused and lost and believing I had totally lost a friend came back to me. Dinner and a few beers later, we're talking, discussing the last agonizing months of awkward phone contacts and chance meetings within fighter practice and such. Hearing rumors of him moving away and EGADS!!! Leaving the barony. Knowing that he's happy with someone else didn't make things any easier on me. So I pined and listened to Norah Jones for weeks and now have that same CD playing. Still sorting things out, because whenever I am around this sweetness that he is, I feel like shouting a professed attraction that's been there since I can remember. It's a terminal attraction. One BIG lustful terminal attraction. Grrrr.... I don't know how much more I can take before I tie him to a tree. As adorable as he is, sweet and adorable, he is a good man and I cannot fault him for trying to be strong and do the right thing by his girlfriend. But damnitall! Day late and a dollar short and frustrated now. I feel taken and taken aback by how much confusion and pain to sort through all of this was and then last night, come to a meaningful discussion over what happened and what went wrong and why it went the way it did, it seems all for naught if it would occur again and wind up where I was months ago. And he kisses me, sending me right up to the edge of reason and I REALLY wanted to jump him in the parking lot for that one. Torture! It was torture for us both I am sure. Temptation is a terrible thing not to follow through on sometimes, alas, I don't think I could handle a repeat of last year again. To be mine is one thing, to be someone else's is another. I cannot rightfully say I want to break up his happy place, but still, I desire that neurotic couple of weeks of temporary bliss that was and may never be again without destroying him. Mweh.... Sooooooooooo, I needed to vent and I'm done for now. Hangover has not subsided and I need to unpack my stuff. Too much to do! ARRG!

Tammolly

...So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel...
I'm still an angel to a girl who hates to sin